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酒到酣处,老妈拎着电饭锅问:“你们爷儿俩谁再加点饭?”

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  • 2021-08-07
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酒到酣处,老妈拎着电饭锅问:“你们爷儿俩谁再加点饭?”我看着碗里吃不完的半碗米饭道,:不要了。老妈说:“还剩这么多,不吃完拿来干嘛?”我随口道:“拿来喂狗啊!”正在捣饭的老爹突然眼睛都红了,丢掉勺子拎起了门边的扫把……

网吧里,进来一位女子,一番张望,来到一个男孩旁边,拎起男孩的耳朵就骂:“你不是去老师家里补课了吗?”男孩一边护着耳朵,一边盯着显示屏大叫:“爸爸,有人打我!”男子大怒:“在哪儿,我来收拾他!”不料,女子又来到他身边,拎起他的耳朵,骂道:“你不是去加班了吗?”

奉劝大家不要再买扫地机器人啦~刚刚我把我家的扫地机器人给砸了!你问我为什么?好,我告诉你!我家宝宝在客厅拉稀,这货竟然把粑粑给我抹匀了!抹!!!匀!!!了!!!加上地热的烘烤,那场面。

闺蜜做饭特好吃,每次都是我和男朋友在沙发上躺着看电视,闺蜜一人在厨房忙碌。我经常跟男朋友说:“谁若能娶到她真是有福气。”男朋友也会调侃道:“要不然我把她娶来给咱俩做饭。

宿舍闹老鼠,舍友从网上买了粘鼠贴,昨晚她问我东西怎么用,我说你把它打开,在鼠贴中间撒点零食就行。舍友弄了点小鱼干和素肉,两份鼠贴,一份放我床头,一份放床尾,凌晨一点,我闻着香味愣是睡不着……

课堂上,老师说:“不一定姓什么就怎么样,姓牛的其实都不牛,你们看,历史上哪有姓牛的出名人物?” 角落里,一个低沉的声音响起:“牛顿!”

情人节我决定吓吓媳妇,我说:老婆我们离婚吧,房子存款都给你,我净身出户就行。她把菜刀立案板上说:来吧,先净身,你就可以走了!

表弟结婚时,去新娘家接新娘。新娘家大门紧闭,怎么叫门都不开!表弟给他哥们一个眼色,那哥们就开车走了。没半小时,这哥们开着推土机来了,表弟和伴郎团站在推土机前面的“大手”里被送上平房顶…… 当表弟出现在新娘子面前时,新娘家的亲友团都惊呆了!

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