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大学开学,下火车想给我妈发个短信报平安

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  • 2021-08-05
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大学开学,下火车想给我妈发个短信报平安:老娘,我到了。结果着急忘打标点了,发成:老娘我到了!我妈立马给我回一条:跟谁没大没小呢!我......

午睡醒来时,老公揉着太阳穴对老婆说:“老婆,我脑袋疼。”老婆问是不是感冒了,老公说:“不是,我脑袋装的全是你。”老婆听了挺乐,结果他又说:“以前你那么瘦,我还勉强能承受,现在你体积那么大,撑得我头疼。”

泰坦尼克的故事告诉我们:船为什么会沉呢?就是因为杰克和肉丝在甲板上面亲热,负责观测的船员一直看着他们,忘记观测冰山,导致了船的沉没。我认为这个故事是在提醒我们:随便秀恩爱害人害已啊!

老婆闺蜜来借宿,第二天在桌上放了一千块,说:这是给孩子的零花钱。我感动的说:不用,我有私房钱!老婆闺蜜:胡说,我帮你们打扫,所有角落都扫了,根本没钱!我:在垃圾桶盖子的夹层里,我话音刚落,闺蜜大声的对老婆喊:小丽我说吧你还不信!唉不说了,这搓衣板真硬!

我的天哪,我一直以为泡泡糖是没有味道的,就是有嚼劲,直到今天儿子买了我尝了尝才知道。小时候我跟我姐出去买糖,一买两颗,我姐总是全部塞进嘴里,嚼一会儿再给我,拍拍我的头说道:“弟弟,快吃吧,姐尝了,没毒!”

大学一同学不抽烟不喝酒,不管我们怎么说就是不抽不喝,有一天,一哥们对他说:“你看看人家去上坟,都是插烟倒酒的,你说你不抽烟也不喝酒,难道将来你儿子孙子去看你时给你棒棒糖,倒杯娃哈哈?”

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